How To Find Love at Midlife

How To Find Love at Midlife

image via HBO

How does one find love at midlife? My grandmother always said, “You have to get out to go out.” In my heart, I know this is true. The man of my dreams, or any man for that matter, isn’t going to come knocking on my door while I’m sitting on the couch watching Netflix. I’m going to have to kiss a lot of frogs before I meet my prince. The problem is that I’m tired of kissing frogs! I wrote a post about this four years ago, and my status hasn’t changed. In my defense, having two kids in high school put a wrench in my social life. If I wanted to be present as a mom, along with working all day, and having some “me” time, there wasn’t much energy left for going on dates. Now that I have an empty nest, I’m out of excuses. I think (notice I said think…) that I’m ready. Here is what I know I need to do if I want to find my prince. Full disclosure: I am guilty of not following this advice!

Get real with yourself about what you want. Throw out your fantasy list of the perfect man and instead, think about the kind of relationship you want. For example, I want to feel safe and appreciated. I want to travel and enjoy physical activity with my partner. I want to be able to do my own thing with the comfort of knowing that we come together at the end of the day. I want to share in the joy (and struggles) of spending time with family.  I want to discuss things that matter to me and be challenged intellectually. I want a enjoy a healthy and fun sex life. I want to be loved unconditionally.

Have an open mind. That photo on match.com is just that, a one-dimensional image of a person. We know there is much more to us than can be gleaned from a photograph, so it’s important to keep that in mind when we are busy making assumptions about someone else. With the exception of an absolute “no” on the first date, it usually takes six dates before you can to make a decision to move forward with someone, and at least six months to know them well enough to see their “true colors.” Up until then, we are still on our best behavior, not feeling comfortable enough to reveal our true selves, warts and all.

Get out of your comfort zone. Say yes to invitations even when it’s easier to curl up on the sofa with a glass of wine and watch Scandal. Go on blind dates. Try online dating or at least, fill out your profile. Take those salsa lessons you’ve been considering. It’s not going to be easy to meet someone so special that you want to share your life with them.

Let’s be honest; it shouldn’t be!

over 50 blogger

My Midlife Manifesto

manifesto3

 

 

50 Good Things About Pushing 50!

This will be an on-going post. I haven’t yet come up with 50 good things, but I’ll keep adding until I get there. If you’re in your 40’s or close to 50, please send me your ideas and I’ll add them to the list!

1. You look better if you’re not too thin.

2. You’re finally at a place where you don’t care what other people think.

3. You can talk about sex, and no one thinks you’re a slut.

4. You are happy for (rather than jealous of) young, super-cool women who are really pretty and have good jobs.

5. You’ve already had kids and don’t have to be pregnant again.

6. You look better if you’re not too thin (yes, I meant to say it again!)

7. Sitting on the couch and watching HBO is fun.

8. You are able to stop drinking before you throw up.

9. You read about history because it’s interesting.

10. You are able to say “no.”

11. You are able to forgive yourself for all of the stupid mistakes you made in your twenties.

12. You genuinely want to help others (or you should).

13. You know you’re okay the way you are, or you’re getting there….

15. You understand that life is not easy but it’s good.

That’s all I have so far…  I turn 49 on Monday, which is blah. But 50? I can’t wait!