The Gift of Rituals at Midlife

Rituals at Midlife


Sameness. Comfort. Meaning. Commitment. These are the cornerstones of rituals, the sacred rites we practice throughout our lives. Ebbing and flowing with time, rituals catalog our memories and breathe meaning into our life stories. It is hard to reach midlife without riding a sea of changes: in our relationships (divorce, loss, children launching), our careers, and our physical bodies. When you feel like you’re drowning, rituals are buoys to hold onto and regain balance.

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BAM 2016 Recap :: Dancing Through Midlife



If you tell me there’s a dance party, I’ll be there. And dance we did! Any awkwardness I felt about attending my first blog conference was quickly dispelled by this diverse group of women who are gracefully dancing through midlife. Their confidence, competence, and courage blew me away! Above all, I was invigorated by laughing and learning with kindred spirits at BAM 2016.

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How To Find Love at Midlife

How To Find Love at Midlife

image via HBO

How does one find love at midlife? My grandmother always said, “You have to get out to go out.” In my heart, I know this is true. The man of my dreams, or any man for that matter, isn’t going to come knocking on my door while I’m sitting on the couch watching Netflix. I’m going to have to kiss a lot of frogs before I meet my prince. The problem is that I’m tired of kissing frogs! I wrote a post about this four years ago, and my status hasn’t changed. In my defense, having two kids in high school put a wrench in my social life. If I wanted to be present as a mom, along with working all day, and having some “me” time, there wasn’t much energy left for going on dates. Now that I have an empty nest, I’m out of excuses. I think (notice I said think…) that I’m ready. Here is what I know I need to do if I want to find my prince. Full disclosure: I am guilty of not following this advice!

Get real with yourself about what you want. Throw out your fantasy list of the perfect man and instead, think about the kind of relationship you want. For example, I want to feel safe and appreciated. I want to travel and enjoy physical activity with my partner. I want to be able to do my own thing with the comfort of knowing that we come together at the end of the day. I want to share in the joy (and struggles) of spending time with family.  I want to discuss things that matter to me and be challenged intellectually. I want a enjoy a healthy and fun sex life. I want to be loved unconditionally.

Have an open mind. That photo on is just that, a one-dimensional image of a person. We know there is much more to us than can be gleaned from a photograph, so it’s important to keep that in mind when we are busy making assumptions about someone else. With the exception of an absolute “no” on the first date, it usually takes six dates before you can to make a decision to move forward with someone, and at least six months to know them well enough to see their “true colors.” Up until then, we are still on our best behavior, not feeling comfortable enough to reveal our true selves, warts and all.

Get out of your comfort zone. Say yes to invitations even when it’s easier to curl up on the sofa with a glass of wine and watch Scandal. Go on blind dates. Try online dating or at least, fill out your profile. Take those salsa lessons you’ve been considering. It’s not going to be easy to meet someone so special that you want to share your life with them.

Let’s be honest; it shouldn’t be!

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